April Writing Challenge- Day 24: A Lesson I’ve Learned The Hard Way

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Hi all! It was only three days ago that I wrote about lessons but it was about lessons my child should learn from me. Today’s #writing challenge is about a lesson I have learned the hard way.

One of the lesson I had to learned the hard way was trying to be like someone else. One of the many things I don’t like that I do about myself is being someone else instead of just being who I am. Someone told me a long time ago, “Pam, how you expect someone to get to know you when you barely let anyone in and you don’t know who it is you are.” I’ve been thinking about that statement for years. You see, I had already felt that being myself was a crime because I would get reprimanded. So, if I couldn’t be me then who should I be?

I had to learn that I am unique because I am. And if I am just like anyone else, then that wouldn’t make me unique. Learning to separate myself from the rest and to take a look within to get to know myself. I had wasted time watching how most men go for certain females. Back when I my size was in the single digit, I would wear wear my shirt and jeans that fit close to my skin. I wanted to show off my slight curves even though I was also skinny. Till this day, I don’t care about being a size 4 or a size 6 anymore because I still didn’t like myself even when I didn’t had much fat on my body.

Still, I would dress that way and would change it up to dress in baggy clothes because I was something of a girly tomboy. I attracted the wrong attention dressing in almost-tight clothing. I wore no makeup and I had minimal jewelry. I was young and dumb and wanted to fit in. I had that I had constantly wasted years of my life that I cannot get back being whoever someone wanted me to be. And when I did, some of those people still didn’t stick around or came around when it was convenient for them.

It was hard for me to follow my own path and to not get caught up in the latest trends. It was hard for me to feel like I have to use so much energy and time to not get someone’s attention, but to hold it. It was like I had to do so much to do so, while I was just getting the bare minimal in return. It was hard for me not to questioned myself about what is wrong with me that I can be all that I can try to be, so a person wouldn’t just leave. I supposed it come from trying to do so with my family. The side of the family who took my siblings and me into their home only wanted us to be seen and not heard. And with me being the oldest, I got it worst.

Those times were something I had to seriously learn from so I can work on myself. I have to tell myself that it was okay being myself and not get caught up with what I see on social media, and not become something or someone that I’m not. I had to tell myself that just because a guy ogled over those Instagram models and I am with him or we was to get into a relationship, that I shouldn’t lose my cool. I shouldn’t lose my self-respect arguing to a guy about why he do so much for and give attention to other females while he with me.

And over the years when some of these guys would be trying to get with me, they still keep going for these females telling me one thing and doing another.

Now, I have stopped trying to be someone else and have stopped people-pleasing. I have done so much work on myself spiritually wise mostly that I have become super protective of my space and energy. And that definitely includes the guys who want to use me and want me to be like this or that just for their own desires or whatever.

While doing this post, so much was going on and this post was going in a direction I didn’t originally plan. There was things I wanted to get off my chest that I couldn’t talk about…yet.

Thank you for reading and understanding that my head space is quite muddled now. I hope you all are doing well and staying safe.

Stay tuned for Day 25.

April Writing Challenge- Day 21: Three Lessons I Want My Child To Learn From Me

Photo courtesy by: Dana Tentis on pixabay.com

When I was a lot younger, there was only one person I can truly say had taught me something about life in general, and that person was my dad. Other than that, it was life experiences that taught me a little more than I care for. And I can say that it made me the woman I am today. That sounded cliche but it is the truth. We go through things or lessons because it supposes to teach us so we can learn and do better. And to be better.

Today’s writing challenge is for me to write about three lessons I want my children to learn from me. Well, most of you know I have only one child- a girl. So as far as children I will include any future child(ren) I may or may not have with the one I have now. I love my child and I want the best for her. This world isn’t safe, life isn’t fair- it’s how we deal with it, and some people wear the kind of masks to hide the real them. I want them to know what’s real and what’s not. And to learn who is for you and who is just faking it.

1. Choose yourself first. I want my child(ren) to know to put themselves first. They are worthy of being someone who has morals and values and will not accept anything less than what they deserve. I have been the type of person who had put herself last. I would give so much of myself and helped others that I would have no time, energy or money for myself, mostly for the wrong people. I want my children to know that they don’t owe anyone anything who done them wrong. I want them to take what they want out of life seriously and not to take any b.s. There are people who would take your heart in their hands and take it apart. There are people who will take advantage of you and confuse your kindness for weakness. I am currently teaching my daughter this now.

  1. Get started in life doing something productive early. I’ve spent my life writing what the heck I want to do with it in notebooks since the sixth grade. I would day-dreamed about the life I want and would be so caught up that I wouldn’t hear the teacher calling my name. It left the class laughing at me and I was nicknamed Dreamer. It was better than the other stupid nicknames I was called. I would like for my children to not waste time not doing anything they want to do in life. I want them to also not to put their dreams and goals on the back burner just to help someone who might not give two-cents about you. I am currently working on getting my daughter to realize that she has her whole life ahead of her and she shouldn’t waste it by playing video games and watching Youtube. I am so behind in life putting my needs and wants last for people that I want my child any possible future children to learn that you don’t have all the time in the world. And if there’s something you want to do and be, then get started. I want it to be their choice, but yeah, I have visions on what I want my child to do and be. But, I don’t want her to be pressured and only do it for my sake.
  2. It’s okay to say no. You can’t help everyone, and shouldn’t stretch yourself thin trying to do so either. You are only one person and if you over-extend yourself, where would you find the time to get anything done for yourself, or to just take a rest. I want my child to learn from me that if you can’t do it or don’t have the time, or just need the rest, it’s okay to say no to others. They shouldn’t do anything they aren’t comfortable doing and anything that would harm them. They should take from me that if you don’t say no, you may find yourself getting too deep of always being that “yes person” that a person may guilt-trip you into doing something they want you to do. I don’t want my child to be mean or negative about, just kindly say, “no, I cannot,” and go on about your day. No explanation needed. I want them to ask themselves would that person stop what they are doing just to help you? Do they say no often to something you ask them for help about? I don’t want my child or any children of mines I may or may not have to be a people-pleaser. They should know that they come first.

Though there are a lot of other lessons I want my child to learn from me, unfortunately, I can only name three. Just like challenges, lessons are growth. And you may end up discovering something about yourself that you have never known.

What lessons do you want your child and/or any future child(ren) to learn from you?

Thanks for reading and stay safe.

Stay tuned for Day 22.