Oh, How The Time Had Flown!

Video by PIRO4D from Pixabay

Oh my goodness! I can’t believe 13 years had flown by just like that. I am officially a mother of a teenager and the feeling is indescribable. The moment she was placed in my arms, so many emotions had ran through I believe I temporarily lost my breath.

Taken by my mom.

My daughter was supposed to be born the next day, (because the doctor was going to induce my labor) but she arrived into the world the night before. She always never did like being told what to do and is still the same way. Lol. She tends to do things on her own time.

I always thought being a mother was hard, and it is but rewarding. I don’t know what I would do or what my life would be like if my daughter wasn’t in it.

She is beautiful, smart, creative, intelligent, sassy, strong, etc, and I am blessed to be chosen as her mother. I wish the best for her, and I thank God for getting us this far.

Omg! I am still overwhelmed about having a teenager. I went through the photo album and had gotten emotional looking through the photos of the years leading up to now. I had truly did my best to be the best mother a child can have because growing up, I didn’t have good mother figures.

To my daughter: I am so proud of you and I wish you all the best life can offer you. Be bold and daring. Be courageous and take life one step at a time. I have much more to teach you, and so do life. Keep at you goals and never give up. I’m crying now, but know how much one can pray for the safety of a child when that child is not around them. I wish you all the love, strength, passion for your dreams to come through, peace, good health, and happiness. I may be missing something but you get it.

So, Happy Birthday, my little queen! Mommy loves you sooooo much! Hugs and kisses. 💗❤️❤️

If We Were Having Coffee…

If we were having coffee, I’ll start off by asking how your day went. Tell me how have you been, what’s new in your life, and/or anything particular you want to get off your chest. Because darling, I have a load to get off of my mines.

If we were having coffee, I’ll take Arabica flavor with hazelnut or caramel macchiato. Sigh. I take a sip and stare afar but won’t keep you in suspense. This virtual coffee date may become a bit tense.

If we were having coffee, I’ll tell you I didn’t get the job I spoke about getting to support my daughter and me in a previous post. It’s the same job I was offered before that I couldn’t take because of our, my daughter and my, situation. My heart was set since I’ve done quite well in the interview than the last time! I was sick at the first interview!

I would tell you how devastated I am and how I have to keep pushing to find another job. I would tell you how hard it is to get a job in the field you went to school for- medical, and how the job process is long and tiring. And scary too. Fingers crossed.

If we were having coffee, I’ll tell you how much I am working on my mental health and how a disbelieving, nerve wracking news has affected me so. At first, I was under the impression that a daughter of my child’s father was going to be dropped on us. It’s kind of weird how I planned for MY escape and all awhile without asking me, he assumed I would care for HIS daughter that he conceived with another woman years before we met. In any other time, on another astral plane I probably could.

If we were having this delicious coffee, I would tell you how I can not and will not help this thirteen-years-old child over my own. It’s unfair that the girl’s mother doesn’t want her and I would have to pick up her motherly duties. The girl is rebellious, wild, and don’t like to be told. Over the few years of knowing her, when I was to babysit her, she was okay but as she became a teenager, she won’t listened when her father and I told her to put her education first instead of chasing boys. I know being a teenager is hard and terrifying, but she simply like doing things her way; especially since her mother is always on the road leaving her and her other sisters (on her mother’s side) home alone. I’m just not able to care for her when I have too much on my plate and hindrance against me as it is.

If we were having coffee, I will remind you that I’m not a wife nor stepmother and my duties can only go so far. I would ask you if you think I’m complaining. Or is it the anxiety taking over. I’ve lost sleep in the last week and running on very low fuel.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that now the girl won’t be living with us. Her father been informed after figuring out what’s been going on with no questions answered for days that his child has a terrible, god-awful disease called AIDS. I will be praying for her, cause I believe it’s her parents job to do what’s best for her like I have to do for my daughter.

Thank you for sitting in on this coffee chat. I appreciate it greatly for listening to me. Have a wonderful day!
Always be protected. Always be safe. Talk to your children or anyone about the importance of safe sex especially with our young people. 💜

Life of K. Phoenix

As I look over my life and contemplated all that have transpired, I have realized how strong of a woman I become. I have been through a lot, things I shouldn’t have to go through. So I am here trying to get my life back on track, but it’s a hard struggle. Too many abuse, poverty, and disappointments had taken an unfortunate turn for the worst. Nevertheless, my life is going to get better. Saying it over and over, believing,  gives me power to move forward and trust in God that everything will work out for the best.

What has life manifested to you? What has been your greatest loss? My greatest loss was my father who have died nine years ago(11/17/2009).  When I found he had died, it was the most devastating thing that have ever happen to me. The world had stood still. Nothing else seems to matter.

Over the years, I grieved deeply for his death, angry with the world, and didn’t want to do anything positive that will get my mind out of the dumps. When I did, every negative thing happened. I couldn’t catch a lucky break.  I couldn’t trust anyone because I was always let down. Tormented, hatred, turmoil took on a great toll. I wanted to sink into a dark, deep hole and never come out.

I kept making bad decisions, one after another, but wishing that one day my life will change. My life did change. I gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Shelley. I had to get my life together by being the best mother I can possibly be. I then went on to medical school and finished, but the school didn’t want to give my credentials. My financial aid was a mess and I can not go back to school using financial aid. I will have to pay out-of-pocket or something.

So, three and a half years later with my daughter going on four in three months, I’m making an awe-inspiring decision to pursue my writing career that has always been my dream. The economy has cause me  to go without a job, but I truly believe that sometime soon a change will come. A change for my daughter, Shelley, and as well as for me. I do not want to live hand to mouth and worrying about whether we’re going to have a home or not.

So, whatever you’re going through, trust and believe that there’s something bigger and better at the end of your trials. Trouble doesn’t last always. Even though I haven’t said all the bad that had occur to me, I feel deep down inside life does get worse if you wallow in your own distress. You have the power to transform the direction life takes you.

Belive in yourself. Take charge. You are unique.