No Matter What, Take Care Of You First


I have forgotten I had drafted this post until I read a fellow blogger’s post that reminded me about it.

Hi all! I sometimes wonder why things happen the way they do and why some things happen at all that puzzle me.

I have spent the majority of August constantly sick from something. In July, I had gotten my first Covid vaccine. But, my sickness had nothing to do with the vaccine. A sore arm is the only thing resulting from that. 🙂

When August came, I felt fine then a few days into the month, I started going through my monthly cycle. But as the week carried on and another week came in, I noticed how weak I was becoming. The problem came and gone, and came back.

The things women go through health-wise and having other life problems were weighing on me hard. I went to the doctor and was put on antibiotics. It took care of the problem, but the side effects constantly made me sick from mid-month to close to the end of the month. (Sighs.)

As my body went through it all and I thought I can go back feeling like myself, my allergies got so bad I thought I had a bad cold. I felt miserable, but I didn’t go to urgent care or anything, because the side effects from the antibiotics were too much for me. And I didn’t want to put on anything. So, I ended up taking the natural approach.

I hated that not only being sick, people were also constantly stressing me about something, laid off from my job, and having to find another one, I had to still find something to keep my spirits up. To do something. I feel fine now since a week ago. And I went back for my second vax.

And I hate having to be on blood pressure meds and the new brand makes me dizzy just like the last one. I dislike my soon-to-be-former doctor because she doesn’t do her job well with me, and I have to wait for my appointment with the new doctor. (Okay sighing again.)

I’m saying that, no matter what comes your way, you still have to keep moving forward. Things seem to happen for a reason or to screw with your nerves and aggravate you.

The things that helped a lot for me getting through last month and the first week of this month was reading and more reading, writing and listening to music. I just finally started back dancing, in my own space, and it feels good. I gave it a yoga vibe.

I feel like when I take a more natural approach, my body bounced back better. There also don’t seem to be many side effects or lack thereof when going natural. I understand sometimes some doctors do their job, but the downsize from the others is how the patients are affected. I still have some health issues that I feel like I am suffering from because my soon-to-be-former doctor hasn’t taken care of my health problems. So as I should, I decided to do more than I have before, and not just go by what the doctor says when they aren’t doing their job anyway.

Okay, I’m ranting. I’m not saying not to see a doctor because you should, especially if you need to because some doctors are good doctors.

You only have one body. One life. You have to take care of yourself no matter what, and do what works for you.

Talk to you soon. Take care.

Can One Truly Say Goodbye?


Courtesy by: Choschos on pixabay.com

When I think about the title of this post, Boys To Men’s song, It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye comes to mind. (You can listen to it here.)

Earlier this year, a cousin of mines had passed away. I didn’t found out until after they had a memorial service for him. He was missing for weeks before his body was found. Though I was over 14 years older than him, we know of each other, just not that well. And we weren’t raised up around each other either. Still, it is sad to know he had died the way he did. And he was so young.

This past Monday, another cousin of mines passed away. She was an elderly woman. I didn’t even know she was so sick and constantly hospitalized.

That side of the family, several of them, I don’t talk to because of what happened in my past because of them. So, though I had forgiven them for my own sake so I can heal and move on, I don’t have to go around them nor communicate. 

When I was told this Monday evening about her passing, I was shocked, and I didn’t know how I feel about it. I still don’t.

When I was a teenager, my life was in chaos, and though I won’t go into details about all the things I was put through (and my siblings), I want to let known that it is difficult when someone who caused you great pain, turmoil, and abuse turned out to be sick for so long and then passed away. I always wanted to sit down and talk with her when I became an adult, but I also wanted to stay clear of her. She was the reason for a lot of things going wrong in my youth. I wanted to know why she took us in and was supposed to care for us but treated us the way she did. And allow others to do it too.

Like, on many occasions, no matter how many times my dad (who died back in 2003) fought hard for his children to get us back, she and other members lied and schemed and did what they could to keep him away or else. It was so devastating, and I grew up with hatred in my heart for EVERYthing that happened under her watch for not only to me but also to my siblings.

I just wanted to get that out of my system in words. Sometimes, you look for the good amidst the bad, but the bad is overcrowding the good. Things happened for reasons unknown at times, and it can be frustrating trying to find out the whys, what-ifs, and hows to a situation when you are a teenager going through life changes. And dealing with people who are mean and so…

Okay…I told myself not to get into these things, but as of now, I find myself taking my days as I usually would upon hearing about her death. That brush, or more like an ambush of memories, came and is slowly fading. A few years ago, I had to do a ritual to let go of the past. It’s okay to think about things sometimes, to look back at how far you have come, but it is not good to dwell on the things that are negative and toxic. I had learned to let go and work on my mental health and not associate myself with certain people. And to do better in life for me, but also for my child.

That ritual I did, I had written pages of everything and everyone who had done something to me, and what happened to me. I went back to when I was a little girl and stopped at the age I was when I started the ritual. It took me the entire weekend to write what had seemed to be eight pages. I poured out every emotion. All the hurt, pain, anger, you named it and wrote it all down. Every single thing and every person, I wrote it down. I ended it with myself for being hard on myself and putting myself down. For allowing myself to go through the things, I took myself through and allowing those things to happen that shouldn’t, and not allowing myself to speak up when needed. Finally, I walked somewhere and burned the pages and said, “I release everything and everyone that had ever treated me and done me wrong. Every bad, cruel, and evilness. I release them from my mind, heart, and spirit.”

With people, our past selves, and whatever else, can one truly say goodbye? Sometimes with some people, like my dad, it took over a decade for me to come to terms with his passing. And to realize he’s really not coming back, at least not in the flesh. So, I feel like a person can say goodbye to someone who had passed on, in their own time, because everyone is different. I supposed it also depends on the person’s relationship with the person who had passed on when they were alive. And also, whether or not it was on good terms if that person wants to say goodbye. Perhaps some people want closure.

My cousin who passed this week, I am not sure when that is, and as I mentioned above, I won’t go into the details but, I had to get that out of my system and write whatever else I may be feeling on a sheet of paper, or whenever that “feeling” may come and write it and burn it. 

I don’t want to be numb.

The candles burning in the video is my way of virtually burning candles for someone who had a loved one who had passed away. Emotions are real, and so is grief. And I wish you nothing but strength, love, and healing.

Stay bless, 

Pamela

The Beautiful Sounds Of Nature


Video credit by: JoshuaWoroniecki on pixabay.com

There is something so relaxing and beautiful about the sounds of water; whether it be a stream, waterfall, lake, or ocean. It can even be the sounds of water running into the tub.

Some years ago, I was feeling emotional about and I came upon a river. There was water rushing as it came onto some rocks, separated into two paths, and ran down a what was below. As I stopped and observed, I listened to those sounds. It began to relax me and made me feel like my problems were “washing” away with the stream.

And from then on I would occasionally used the sounds of water as a way to meditate, relax, and let whatever that is going on inside me to be “wash” away. Of course there are ways to use water as in submerging your body into the water and let that be a way to spiritually rid yourself of anything you may want to rid yourself of.

When I’m not able to get to a body of water and listen to the sounds of it running, other than from the shower or bath, I play sounds of water moving and sounds of rain on YouTube videos.

What do you think about the sounds of water? Have you ever used it in any way? Let us know.

Thanks for reading.


Below, is a video from YouTube called Relaxing Zen Music with Water Sounds, by Soothing Relaxation.

An Interview With My Main Character (Trenton) #MondayBlogs #author #fiction #writing


https://pixabay.com

Going back through my character development, here’s an interview I had with my male main character named Trenton Devereaux.

1. Tell us a little about yourself.

Hi lovelies, I’m Trenton Devereaux from Cherry Gardens in Jamaica. I’m 21-year-old, go to college in Columbia, S.C., have an infant son, and I’m a no-nonsense type of person, so don’t come at me with the b.s. Just kidding.. but don’t.

Anything else? 

Anything like what? Guh, you are so nosy. Well… I’m a suspect in a murder case. They said twenty-so people were killed up the interstate in a warehouse, but I know nothing about that. (He shrugged nonchalantly, twisting his mouth.) Next question.

2. Okay, what is it that you love most about life?

Hmm, I love how well my son is doing. He’s five months old now, and my family is very supportive. God bless them. I love how my girlfriend and I came, uh… I mean, how far within a year’s time. We had drama, cheating, drugs, and negative people coming between us, yet we fought and fought, and we’re still together.

3. That is great you two are still together. Which brings me to my next question: How do you decide if you can trust someone?

Ah, well, to me, a person has to earn trust, just like they would with respect. So, I give every person a starting chance, unless I initially picked up bad vibes from them, just like I’ve done last year… anyway, I go by their actions to sum it up if I can trust them or not.

4. What three words best describe your personality?

Strong, ambitious, and a risk-taker.

5. What are your greatest talents?

(Smiling.) Well then, since you asked, dancing for one. I love moving to the beats in dancehall music, ska, and ska jazz. If you aren’t sure what ska is, look it up; I’ll be here all day just talking about it, or you can come to a dance club I know to show you what it’s like.

Hmm… other talents: singing, writing poetry, I can cook my ass off, la-dee-da, and the last is for my woman to know. LOL!

6. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would that be?

Not a damn thing.

7. What is your typical day like?

I start my day off by tending to my son, and then I would meditate since I need it more than ever now—some light yoga or a run, breakfast, depending on the day, school, or work.

I also use my time to render aid in the community. It doesn’t matter how much money you have; you still need to do something; whether it’s through donation, raising money, or doing volunteer work. I use my free time to help others.

8. What are your greatest fears?

I fear losing someone close to me in any way, whether it’s death, to the law, or whatever; it would tear me apart.

9. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

You should know who, but I will say it, Paris is the greatest love of my life along with my son. She has been there through thick and thin, loves my son as her own, and had shown me what real love is. I’ll give her the world if I could. I’ll do anything I can for her.

10. When and where were you the happiest?

(Smiling endearing) The happiest time of my life thus far is the birth of my son. Wow, T.J. makes my heart swells up with joy and makes me work harder every day to do right by him. He’s so precious, mon; even though his mom schemed into being pregnant with him, it doesn’t change how I feel about him like most guys would to a girl who trapped them. I love that kid so much. (Sniffling)


This concludes my interview with Trenton. I had more questions to asked, but his schedule was tight.

Will there be a second interview for a more in-depth look into his life? I’ll have to check with his people. (Wink)

P.S. I do have an interview with Miss Paris Thompson herself. She’s the female main character and Trent’s girlfriend. You can find her interview here.

I hope you enjoyed Trent’s interview, and if you have any questions of your own you would like for me to ask, please feel free to ask in the comments.

Thank you, and enjoy your day!

© 2016 Pamela E. Hester