It has been quite a while since I have done a challenge, and I am glad to say that I am taking part in doing so with Marquessa and others who are doing the same. Do head on over to her blog and check out the 31 questions that you can do as well if you are interested.
For today’s challenge, the question is: what’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Well, thinking about the compliments I have received over the years, I am not sure what was the best one, or hardly any. Other than, maybe… nice butt. Lol. Okay, all silliness aside, one of the best compliments I received was: “you are what matters, not what others think of you.”
It wasn’t really a compliment, but I took it as one because this person said it in a way that made me sit with myself and ponder on that.
I had issues with my image, always have, and I never believe I fit in anywhere. Not necessarily just image-wise, but because I tend to be weird or something. So, when I hear, “you are what matters, not what others think,” in the back of my mind, I can’t help but think what others do think about me.
If I would tell myself that I am a strong, Black beautiful woman, somewhere in my mind, I feel that society would do what it can to break and demean women who look like me. That’s how I feel. I can uplift myself and others, but society tends to have its own views about EVERYthing. And those times can make me feel angry and weary.
When receiving compliments in general when I would get them, I oftentimes wonder if the person meant what they said. Or, I’ll wonder why I was suppose to feel good about myself when a person thought they was giving me a good compliment about my weight.
There are times when men, especially the ones of my race don’t really care about you and will make you feel like you’re not worthy of much of anything. There was once this guy who “claimed” he loved me and such, the usual blah blah while dropping compliments a dime a dozen. Well, I didn’t believe him at first. He wanted more.
So, long story short, I found out he had a wife. He kept acting like he didn’t. It turns he was some conceited, narcissist, you know what type of guy who, according to him, wanted someone to help him build his business and be his mistress. That someone being a Black woman, and wanted the Caucasian woman (his wife) as his lover and everything that was supposed to deemed as good. As for Caucasian women, he and most others of the ethnic group want what they want because they believe Caucasian women are deemed more beautiful and better than getting with a Black woman.
These aren’t all men though. There are still some good ones out there…somewhere. Though he made me feel like crap with the things he kept doing. (Sorry I can’t tell the full story for several reasons.) I was left with his friends saying stuff about me when I broke away from him. So, yeah I think too much about what others think about me.
It’s nothing new to me to hear and see a Black man down-talk and mistreat a woman of his own race and only want to deal with them if he can get what he wants from them. It’s hard enough dealing with the backlash from the world with the ever-present crimes, hatred, poverty, corruption, etc and having to deal with what’s going on in your own backyard. Sometimes, times get so hard, and there are people who’ll use, mistreat, and hate you for no reason.
So, when I lift my head up and stand tall and do whatever I can to bring my spirit up, it’s because, for one of many reasons, I am fighting an inner battle that can be too much to handle. I and most women and men I look at, are warriors and we can get through anything we set our heart out to do.
Compliments can be wonderful if given from the heart, and it can be something that’ll make you feel emotional when you’re not used to receiving them. And, compliments can make you feel awkward too.
Above all else, take compliments for what it’s worth. They can be positive and uplifting.
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may ’cause you tears
Go ahead release your fearsStand up and be counted
Don’t be ashamed to cryYou gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be strongerYou gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day— Des’Ree “You Gotta Be”
Thanks for reading and let us know in the comments what is the best compliment you ever received. And/or how you feel about compliments.